butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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