Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
