ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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