Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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