Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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