Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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