i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
