I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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