Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
