The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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