I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
