we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
