morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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