i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you had me at cake vodka
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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