they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Im part way to drunk.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
