The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
