can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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