I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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