Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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