i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
