why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
