How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
