I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
