no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
