How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
