Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
