we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
