he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
