He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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