Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
