He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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