Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
