he puts the penis in happiness.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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