the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
