I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
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I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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