the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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