I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
