this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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