Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
