I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I supernannyed him into submission
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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