I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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