Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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