dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's always time for handjobs
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Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
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How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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