did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
