I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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