3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
