but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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