question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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