I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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