I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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