and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
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I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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