Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
