Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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