Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
