I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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