fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
