Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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