Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
True college students do jello shots in the library
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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