16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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