I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
