O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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