Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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