i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
