so let's talk penis.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
