I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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