If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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