just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He did a backflip because drugs
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
