One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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