proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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