mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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