he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
