I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
