Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
