so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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