i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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