I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
